I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
