no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
