if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
