so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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