i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
