Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
