You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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