stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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