I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
