Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
