I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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