She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
