I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I lost the right to judge tonight
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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