9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
pop tarts are not kleenex
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
