Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
