Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
