I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
