You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
