can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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