Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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