the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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