I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
