i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
