Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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