I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
