Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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