took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
