Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
