I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
