apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
