yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
