Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
