Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
