I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
