i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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