I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
