I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
