I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
