Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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