Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the day after is always just damage control
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
