I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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