he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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