Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
