he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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