Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
