Porn is love you can see.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
