It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
