One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
