my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
