Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
