uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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