Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
