I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
