dude i'm inner monologue high
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
