Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
