At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
