some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
