when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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